“Nothing fixes a thing in the memory
as the wish to forget it”
Michel de Montaigne
Experiencing a traumatic event can leave some individuals feeling as though something inside them has shattered. It creates a distinct "before" and "after" in a person's life, leaving behind a lasting imprint filled with pain, fear, occasional anger, guilt, and even shame. In some cases, this breach in a person's life and development is the result of a series of repeated and longstanding events.
The term "trauma" originates from the Greek word for injury, encompassing both physical and emotional harm. Thus, it's not coincidental that we use the term "trauma" to describe a "wound in the soul"—a profound injury in a person's life story. This injury remains an open wound that refuses to heal and continues to bleed, regardless of the passage of time.
Not everyone who has endured a traumatic experience will necessarily develop trauma or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
However, individuals who do experience PTSD share a common thread: the coping strategies they have employed in an attempt to manage the pain and other negative emotions associated with their traumatic experiences.
If remembering hurts, then I have to forget.
One prevalent and recurring coping strategy is the attempt to forget the traumatic event(s). In a way, it seems like a logical response—if remembering the traumatic event is painful, then the solution must be to forget it, to bury it deep down. However, this desperate effort to forget and suppress thoughts and emotions linked to the painful experience often leads to a paradoxical result: the more they try to forget, the more they find themselves dwelling on it.
This unconscious but relentless battle between the individual and their memories leaves them drained, vulnerable, fearful, and despondent about their future. It becomes impossible to move forward while still tethered to the chain and weight of their past, haunted by their memories.
The consequences of this recurring coping strategy can manifest as flashbacks (where the person relives the traumatic event or experiences intrusive thoughts or images) or nightmares (disturbing dreams during sleep). These are indications that the person is not effectively processing the pain and other emotions associated with those memories. As a result, the wound begins to bleed anew, as if they were hurt for the very first time.
If remembering hurts, then I will avoid what triggers my memories
Another common coping strategy is avoidance, which can take the form of avoiding people, places, or situations that remind the person of the traumatic event. I've discussed the pitfalls of avoidance in a previous post (Gasping for Air: Navigating Fear and Anxiety). In short, while avoidance may provide temporary relief, it gradually reinforces avoidant behaviour, making the person believe they are incapable of breaking free from this pattern.
These are some of the most prevalent ineffective coping strategies among individuals who have undergone traumatic experiences. Prolonged use of these unhelpful strategies can lead to the development of other complex mental health issues, including panic attacks, OCD, substance abuse, and depression.
At this point, and if I have been clear in explaining how a traumatic event can evolve into PTSD, you may begin to discern what the solution to this problem should entail.
Extensive research, along with my own experience working with numerous individuals who have endured PTSD, has demonstrated that the most efficacious approach to effectively treating this intricate condition involves assisting and guiding the individual to confront and revisit the traumatic experience.
From the standpoint of brief strategic therapy, the key lies in accompanying the individual as they revisit their past and engage in a different process of managing the pain. This approach assists in cleansing and healing the wound, ultimately transforming it into a scar. A scar that no longer bleeds or causes pain, but instead serves as a reminder of what the individual has endured.
As Robert Frost once aptly put it, "The only way out is going through," and if one wishes to emerge from the tunnel, they must keep moving forward.
Related readings:
The injured mind - La mente ferita (Italian edition), Giorgio Nardone, Federica Cagnoni, Roberta Milanese
Changing the past - Cambiar el pasado (Spanish edition), Federica Cagnoni, Roberta Milanese
Note: no English editions of these books are available.
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